Everything to me now is about meditating on the Bible. I know it's a bridge that is, or seems to be, too far to most Christians these days, but I'm quite disconnected from today's culture, including novels and movies. Reading the Bible 20 years ago "ruined" them for me. And I'd always been very much into them. That's why I'd majored in English. But it's been no sacrifice "losing" them. Shockingly, I've been happier about it than I can say. In ancient times, we didn't have TV, movies or even books as they are now. I've felt so freed for other things that are so much better, including more stories of real people. That's probably enough on that, though. It probably sounds pretty "shocking."
I didn't actually read the Bible or take any religion in any formal school. But I've studied the Bible a lot on my own over the past 30 years. There was a bit of Christian mysticism, if that's what it is, that was very influential to me early on. It actually did come from a novel, interestingly enough, at that point in my life.
It started with reading The Catcher in the Rye in high school. Later I wanted to read the other works of J. D. Salinger. Franny and Zooey had a big effect on me. It's all about the characters saying the Jesus Prayer. I believe it's chiefly an Orthodox tradition. The characters got it from an old book that actually exists, The Way of a Pilgrim, about an 18th century Russian peasant, if I recall correctly, who wants to know how one can pray without ceasing as the Bible says. So I ended up saying the prayer and made a daily habit of reading in the Gospels at that time.
I was about 21, and at this time I decided for myself that I really did believe that Jesus was and is who He said. And a few weeks later, something happened that was so amazing to me.
I'd also started saying the Lord's Prayer, and one night I was praying it as I lay down to sleep. My eyes were closed, and all of sudden I realized something had started to happen, and I even said that to myself. "Something is happening!!" It was like I could "see" a presence, a living spirit, like a living, shimmering light that started out very small, but then very quickly grew, radiating beautifully the whole time. It got as big as me, and then bigger than me and I was inside of it, and then a few seconds later, it was gone and I fell asleep.
Well, the next morning when I got up I found that I'd been completely released from my addiction to cigarettes. I was then a two-pack-a-day chain smoker. And at 21, I'd never tried quitting. But a few hours before bed that night, I'd heard a "stop smoking" infomercial on TV and just had a passing thought of conviction that given my newfound faith, I should work on quitting.
After the experience I'd had with God's presence, I never had any cravings for cigarettes. The next morning it was just like I'd never smoked. But I didn't tell people at the restaurant I worked at how I'd quit. They all thought people who took prayer and the Bible seriously were religious nuts. My boss said I'd never be able to quit "cold turkey." But I didn't touch another cigarette - - for five years. I still had a lot to learn and change, so I ended up going back to smoking and smoked for another five years. A number of times I tried quitting cold turkey for real then, but didn't get anywhere. It was only when I had financial difficulties that I was able to stop, and I'd learned my lesson by then and have never touched another one. I was really thankful for the Lord forcing me to quit. And those difficulties also led to me reading the whole Bible, which completely transformed my life spiritually.
-- Erika Schwibs
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